


Absolute(ly)

by redbluejay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dimension Travel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Character Death, Gen, Hiding, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Not Really Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shapeshifter Loki (Marvel), Time Travel, and stuff like that, avengers will come in later, but in future chapters probably, just plain, possible: - Freeform, seriously a strange and mysterious character I haven't even decided anything on, sometimes in plain sight, wow that's a real tag - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 00:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18728152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbluejay/pseuds/redbluejay
Summary: “So,” the figure says in the endless void.An eyebrow is quirked in a curious response.The figured eyes him, somehow, despite its lack of eyes“So,” it begins again. “You’re here.”“I am,” he indulges.“How?”“You tell me.”/He hums absently. “It’s almost hard to explain, really.”“I can you try?”“I could.”A pause.“Would you?”“If you say the magic word, and only if.”/Where, basically, Loki is presumed dead. Again. Angst & shenanigans occur.Inspired by Avengers: Endgame, but not based off it, so no spoilers, not yet.





	Absolute(ly)

**Author's Note:**

> As summary implies, fairly OOC!Loki. This is a short chapter, but the chapter lengths will vary - the next might be similar in length, or it might be a few thousand words, I'm not sure.
> 
> Also in summary - inspired by Endgame, but not based off it, therefore, no spoilers. Yet. As it's a new movie, not everyone's seen it, but as it gets older I might add stuff from it into here. I'll tell everyone in the notes at the top of that chapter if it has anything to do with Endgame, though, so don't worry.
> 
> All the chapters are the names of songs, which I have a list of.
> 
> This chapter is called "Who Am I," off of London Grammar's "Who Am I." I recommend a listen - her stuff is amazing! I do suggest you listen to it through speakers that catch base notes, if you can.
> 
> Link to song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvbl66d-PXk

  “So,” the figure says in the endless void.

  An eyebrow is quirked in a curious response.

  The figured eyes him, somehow, despite its lack of eyes

  “So,” it begins again. “You’re here.”

  “I am,” he indulges.

  “How?”

  “You tell me."

  The bewildered look it gives is received with a sharp, smug smirk.

  “How would I do that? I don’t know how you got here,” it asks with an honest air about it.

  He chuckles from where he is floating.

  “It’s an Earth thing I picked up. An expression, of sorts,” he allows.

  “What does it mean?”

  He hums absently. “It’s almost hard to explain, really.”

  “Can you try?”

  “I could.”

  A pause.

  “Would you?”

  “If you say the magic word, and only if.”

  He gets the sense if it had a face, it would be blinking rapidly.

  “Magic… word?”

  “Yes, the magic word.”

  “Is this another Earth thing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh. I’ve never been to Earth. I don’t know.”

  “Well, then. I suppose I won’t be telling you,” he says, eyeing it with devious humour.

  The figure gives off the feeling of a pout.

  He shrugs delicately.

  “Not my fault you’ve not been to Earth.”

  “Not my fault, either, trickster,” it replies.

  He nods.

  “Well, I’d best be leaving now.”

  It nods.

  “You will come back?”

  “Absolutely,” he says. “I’ll see you.”

  “See you,” it echos as he flicks his fingers with green sparks and disappears.

 

…

 

  He’s in Asgard, again.

  He can’t ever leave it behind.

  Not any of it.

   Which is why he’s back, and why he keeps coming back.

   He’s not a prisoner.

   He’s not an escapee.

   A free man, that’s what he is.

   He can walk by the guards, nod, smile, and say good morning, or good afternoon, or good night.

   He can eat breakfast in the feasting halls again. And lunch, and dinner.

   Though - he still feels like an outsider.

   It’s not like anything has changed much.

   He still travels Asgard by bird, cat, snake, or teleport, rather than as himself. He doesn't have to  ~~ _nod, smile, or say good morning, or good afternoon, or good night_~~  talk that way.

   He still prefers to have meals delivered to his quarters. He doesn't have to ~~_face everyone_~~ mingle that way.

   It’s not like anything has changed much. Not at all.

 

…

 

   When people ask him his name - either on Earth or on one of the many populated planets in the vast expanse of space - he always has to think.

   Sometimes, he says, “Loki.”

   Sometimes, he says, “I don’t have one.”

   Sometimes, he says random names, off the top of his mind or not.

   Names that don’t mean much to him.

   Once, he said, “Thor.”

   Names that with no past connected to them work better as fake names, he found out quickly.

   He hasn’t used an Asgardian name since.

 

…

 

   Midgard is place of fear for him; of apprehension, almost. It’s where he was defeated. But it’s also the only place he feels truly at home - safe, comfortable, untouchable.

   It’s a strange contradiction.

   He can mingle with the mortals. He can forget, pretend.

   He can be boringly, dreadfully normal.

   Loki has always just wanted to be that.

   He often wonders if he would have survived, if Odin had just left the baby frost giant he had found, freezing in the icy snow banks of Jotunheim, when the storm and snow enveloped the area.

   He often wonders if he would have died that cold, cold night, or if he would have survived ~~_to be left alone in a life not worth truly living not loved not touched-_~~ , or if he would have lived; lived and enjoyed his life. If he would have been found by a caring family, perhaps, and raised as their own.

   But not as a lie.

   He hates liars, always has, he muses as he eyes the newest Stark tablet being promoted in an bright advertisement above his head.

_(Maybe he’ll get it - his is getting old and slow, anyway.)_

   He hates liars, and he hates lies.

   It doesn’t stop him from telling them himself. Doesn't stop him from being a liar.

   He thinks it’s because everytime a lie slips seamlessly through his lips, it hurts - hurts so much.

 


End file.
